As someone who is a spooky skeleton, I don’t think people really understand the struggles I face. People around me are constantly forgetting that the phrase ‘somebody’ is very triggering, because I do not have a body, on account of me being a spooky skeleton. I would cry, if I still had tear ducts.
I was walking around yesterday, wearing my hat and my coat, and I could hear lots of people talking about going on a boating holiday. Now, there are plenty of spooky skeletons at the bottom of the sea, but they weren’t doing anything spooky. They were going to go and get the best boat services in Melbourne and then go to the best bay in Melbourne and have the best time…in Melbourne. And Melbourne is already not a particularly spooky place, but it’s also really hard to scare people when they’re on a boat. I suppose I could stand on the pier and jump up and down, waving my arms and performing an unearthly jig, but I’ve never tried to give anyone a scare at that range. I’m not too sure if it would work. If I was a shark I bet it would have the desired effect.
Now there’s chatter of everyone moving underwater, and…well, that’s going to leave me with far fewer people to spook. Less people next to cupboards, less people sleeping in beds. It’s been ages since I’ve hidden under a bed and jumped out, yelling BOO and scaring them. One time there was this kid, and he jumped out the window…oh golly, it still tickles my funny bone to this day!
But my job is going to get a lot harder once everyone’s got their outboard motors fixed and they’re buzzing around the bay, all smiles in the sunshine and not spooks in the moonlight. That’s the total opposite. Gosh, thanks SO much, Melbourne. Anchor winches and boat motors are going to be ruining all my spooky mischief.
This is worse than the time someone forced me to clickety-clack, get in his sack.
-R. McSkulliam