Earring Competition Reports

When we finally arrived at the second checkpoint, we were told to give a report on what it had been like working with the others, tethered to their ship. My experience was truly terrible, working with Lorenzo, who spent the entire time blogging on his phone. Of course, I didn’t tell the reporter about that, because I didn’t want to get Lorenzo in trouble. Instead, I told them about how Lorenzo had definitely pulled his weight and made a big contribution to our team. I trust that he would have told them the same about me, although it would actually be true in my case. I may not have working legs, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less of a captain! 

Tell you what, these circle stud earrings have really been helping me out in this competition. With them, I can influence the weather to help make my journey on the ocean smoother. I know that we came last in this part of the race, but I don’t think we would have made it to the checkpoint at all without me adjusting the weather. Lorenzo’s ship would have just drifted off, dragging me along with it.

Quality Melbourne-made earrings are hard to come by, so I’m super impressed by the work of John Sparrow. I certainly hope that he doesn’t have some sort of nefarious intentions behind giving us this jewelry for free. I can’t think of any time, fictional or real, that something like that has happened. I’m sure it was perfectly wise to take magic bling from a stranger, and that we won’t be corrupted at all. Certainly, the fact that he refers to himself as a lord is nothing to worry about. That’s probably just a screen name.

Oh, wait. I’m totally seeing the parallels between this and King of the Bling. And now I’m trying to take my ring off, and it won’t budge. Oh man, I’ve got to get kicked out of this competition before I get turned into some sort of earring wraith. 

– Nash ‘No Knees’ Fawcett