Frosty Goodbye

I tell you what, if you’re going to go all-out and get a portrait of yourself painted, and then hang that portrait in your fancy entrance hall…you’d think it’d be a good one. I was lucky enough to be invited to a fancy party at Whitehall Chapel, which is the fond dream of many, but I spent the whole time nitpicking. Maybe it’s subconscious jealousy. I do not know.

What I DO know is that the Clancey family owns most of the city, including every window tinting company in Melbourne and beyond, and they have a stained glass window hanging over their doorway of them all looking like the family hamster just got run over by a train. Maybe it’s signifying that they’re sad to see you go?

I’ve always thought of window tinting and glass frosting as being a ‘cool’ industry. Like…”hey, look at our tinted office windows. We’re chic and mysterious, and you better believe it, ya chump”. Or “hey, look at how we got our windows frosted, because we’re hip and down with the kids, yo.”

I guess stained glass has been going a lot longer than either of them, and also stained glass is, like…totally different. But still. A family that owns that much glass really needs to do a better job of representing themselves. Maybe get some tinted windows up there above the door, take down the morbid stained glass, and have a picture painted of you with at least neutral expressions. I guess, looking at Medieval stained glass, everyone was super morbid. Even the supposedly joyous scenes make it look like everyone just dropped their ice-cream, I guess because smiling was hard to carve.

I guess the rest of the decor was alright…just not how I’d do it. If I owned like fifty glass window frosting companies in Melbourne, I’d want to do something creative to my own home. But maybe Whitehall Chapel is a heritage property…I don’t know.