I’ve been working at the South North Pole for almost ten years now. When I first got the job, we were operating out of Antarctica, at the true South Pole. It was meant to be a complementary base to take some of the workload off of the North Pole elves, who were going on strike every Christmas. We took care of all the presents for kids in the Southern Hemisphere, but we had some problems.
Turns out penguins are much smarter and more organised than humans and elves give them credit for. They weren’t happy that we’d taken their land and built a massive toy production factory there, and they marched upon it with a coordinated and powerful army. There were no casualties on either side, fortunately, due to the signing of a treaty after three months of seige. At that point, we decided it wasn’t worth staying. Besides, it was getting kind of cold.
Not that we have anything against the cold. But it was too cold, even for elves. We relocated to Australia, about two hours away from Melbourne. Commercial air conditioning helped bring the climate a bit closer to that of the North Pole. We’re working more productively than ever now. It turns out those angry penguins did us a huge favour. Santa never came to check the Antarctic factory. I think it was too cold even for him and his magical Ring of Warming, but now he comes to visit us all the time.
We get regular commercial air conditioning service from Melbourne, by a company that we have magically sworn to secrecy on the existence of the workshop. They keep the factory nice and cold, perfect for making gifts. Their kids always get something a little extra on Christmas morning. We’ve got confetti cannons filled with white pieces of shredded paper, which give the factory an extra-snowy feel. We’ve come a long way since the Great Penguin War.