What a Sale!

Back in the day, when I was a used car salesman, I had my special ways to get a hot sale. Sometimes, while we were taking the car for a test drive (and thus they were distracted with seeing how the car handled), I’d casually let slip that a celebrity was born in the back seat. Something like:

“Oh, and don’t mind the slight stains in the back right there. Lara Bingle’s mother wasn’t able to make it to the hospital, so she gave birth right here in the car. What a miracle!”

However, that was what I called the ‘Nuclear Option’, for use when a person didn’t seem convinced. Usually I’d go for something a little bit tamer, like “oh yeah, this little beauty has been serviced by the best auto electricians in Milperra.” 

They’d ask where that is, and I’d say that it’s the place where Madame Zoom’s Automotive Academy was located. Not actually true, but this works for two reasons: first is that Milperra is kind of out of the way, so they can’t often verify that the story is 100% false and second is that the mechanics and auto electrical experts down in Milperra ARE pretty great. I’ve used them myself, it’s a great place.

So I sell the car, they go to Milperra for their car servicing needs, everybody wins, after my commission clears of course. I had quite a few little tools in my arsenal, but the whole Milperra mechanic thing was usually my starting point. I’d then move up to how the car was in some terrible accident or was dredged up from underneath a lake- people LOVE rehabilitated cars that run perfectly- and eventually, it was the celebrity thing. 

One time, and one time only, I had to combine all of them.

“Oh yeah, this was where Grant Hackett was born. His parents crashed into a lake, but right after his mother gave birth while the car was sinking, he swam right up to the surface and survived to become an Olympic legend, eventually earning enough prize money to have the car service professionals in Bankstown to drag the car out of the lake and do it up.”

Yeah, I was pretty good at this.