Every day, I put on my cardboard signs like a poncho, grab my bell, a suitcase filled with a dozen carbon monoxide testing kits and take to the streets of Melbourne, warning people of the dangers within their very homes. Carbon monoxide is an invisible killer, like a monster in Goblins and Grottos or something else that’s invisible and deadly. That’s why I’ve made it my life’s mission to warn people and sell them these testing kits. Really, they could just get a professional to come and test for carbon monoxide, but a lot of people like the idea of testing whenever they feel like it.
So I walk down Swanston Street, ringing my bell to draw attention to myself. “Get a carbon monoxide tester here, only nine ninety-nine!” That gets a lot of people interested, until they realise that I mean nine hundred and ninety-nine, not nine dollars and ninety-nine cents. I know it’s expensive, but I made these carbon monoxide testers myself. If I don’t get any sales, I start pitching harder. “Keep your family safe and healthy, otherwise the invisible gas of carbon monoxide will strike! If you have a gas heater, your life is in immediate danger unless you buy a carbon monoxide tester!”
That does tend to get a few more people interested. I always dread it when they ask if I’m with an air conditioning repairs company from Melbourne because I have to tell them that I’m an independent salesman. I used to lie and tell people I was with this big air conditioning business, but they threatened to sue me. I knew it was wrong, but what’s more important; not lying or saving lives?
Ultimately, it doesn’t even matter whether my carbon monoxide testers work or not. The main thing is that I’m raising awareness of the issue. A lot of people aren’t even aware that carbon monoxide is a problem, so when they see me on the street, at least they know to look into it. The way I see it, I’m basically a hero.